You tubing sensation

The appeal of Vang Vieng shadows that of many backpacking must-dos: the enticement of vices forbidden by the Western World, a void that exists outside of calendars and clocks, handsome scenery and at little cost. The town has become an entity despite itself; it's a mistress of tourism that's shrugged from its original identity. Rows of eateries share identical Western menus with equally uninspiring food that is dished out to customers laid horizontal among pillows and low tables. It's a vortex of travellers prangin' out or mongin' out to endless loops of Family Guy and Friends. It's where grass shakes, opium shakes and mulberry shakes are as accessible as one another. Withdrawal shakes probably aren't far behind either; they'll catch up on the road.

The popularity owes much to the main recreation here: tubing. With inflated tractor inner tubes under our arms, we ground and jolted by tuk-tuk to a bar on the banks of the River Mekong to try it. Enticed as we were by the free Tiger Whisky from the topless English hawker, with face paint around his nipples, at the first bar, we sailed slowly under the sunshine with the river to ourselves.

We recharged with beers at a bar which had a trapeze swing dropping folk into the murky brown waters. Georgie and I slap-landed in but then left it to the American boy, whom continued to prove again and again that he could flip in, to entertain other tubers spray-painting penises onto one another. We asked for the giant slide at the next bar to be opened, and christened it to much bruising agony, before floating down river to the final bar. It was then a splash against time before the sun fell behind the sharp green mountains and left us in the darkened Mekong. But we made it back, exhausted, to the (un)realities of the town. The tubing may even be worth the demise of Vang Vieng.

Cyclingpath

This story starts like most good stories, we were drinking in this bar... Basically we had arrived in Vientiane and headed straight for this roof top bar recommended to us by our trusty lonely planet, it was 4 flights of stairs up and I for one was very puffed out and in need of a drink by the time we got up there. Once there and with a drink in hand though, the view across the Mekong River was fantastic (maybe better after wet season when the river is a bit fuller but still!) and we had a lovely time people watching as the sun went down. We got to talking about what we wanted to do whilst we were there and obviously we wanted to see the sights of the city and so in a beery haze I agreed to Daniel's idea of giving cycling a go! Please bare in mind that I have not cycled for a number of years (unless you count the time Izzy pushed me round the field at Joyce's birthday, screaming my head off!) and especially not on a road on the wrong side of the road!

After deciding it wasn't a good idea to try on a bit of a hangover as my balance wouldn't be too great we spent the next day following a walking tour around the central sights of the tour including an indoor market and Patuxai which looks kind of like the Arc de Triomphe with the road leading up to it and had great views after a sweaty climb to the top! But I did keep my promise and so after a less boozy night on day 3 I struggled to keep my eggs down as I thought of what was approaching. You might think this is a little melodramatic but it's true and it is me we're talking about! There are hundreds of places to hire bikes but we wandered down to a shop that had been recommended to us and hired a bike with a basket for £1 each. 'Shall we walk them down to the flat bit across the road to start with?' the ever thoughtful Daniel asked. Blow it I thought lets just go for it! On I climbed with clammy hands (clammier than usual!) and shaking legs and pushed off to start. Let's just say if it had been a slalom I would have been great as I was snaking all over the place before admitting a small defeat and taking Daniel's advice to try on the flat. This time went a bit better as the road was smooth and there was no one about, I soon kind of got the hang of it although my fingers were clamped round the handle bars so hard my joints were stuck and when the occasional vehicle did come past I freaked out but I was doing it, I was cycling!

Then came the proper road which was terrifying, full of cars and mopeds and stones and on top of this it was about 100 degrees! So out came the map and Daniel found us a nice back route which was perfect at first and brought us to what we thought was a temple but actually just seemed to be a place where monks lived but it was ok because they were friendly calling out the Laos greeting of Saibadee to us before we turned round and headed off towards our planned destination. We now had to turn into some sort of off road mountain bikers as we traversed tiny lanes covered in rocks with hills and a sort of river flowing past, it was a mine field of obstacles and there were many times I thought I might fall off and yelped like a small child! This was embarrassing when actual small children flew by with no problems at all!

Anyway we arrived with no crashes to our destination which was Pha That Luang, a massive and stunning gold temple which also has a big reclining Buddha. Before going in though we stopped for a drink and were both struggling to put the stopper down on our bikes to the amusement of the locals who watched for a bit before deciding to help so we had our drinks and got out of there quickly! A look round the temple (while the lovely security men looked after our bikes) and lunch outside the local mini mart (Daniel really does take me to all the classiest joints!) it was time to start the journey home. I was feeling a lot more confident by this point and was also dreading the rocky terrain so I agreed to ride back along the road. Which was fine until we got to the centre of town and traffic lights and right hand turns got involved! I survived though and got the bike and myself home in one piece, feeling happy that I had done it but also happy to hand it back! As I awoke the next day to find my whole body in pain and that I had to roll side ways to get out of bed I cursed the bike and rubbed my sore limbs thinking never again! The happiness I had felt the day before had drained away... Ah who am I kidding? I RODE A BLOODY BIKE ON THE ROAD AND SURVIVED TO TELL THE TALE YESSSS!